American Idol Recap-The Top Ten Men

Last night, the women sucked. Tonight, will the men be any better?

Taylor starts the show with "Easy Like A Sunday Morning". Longtime Idol fans, do you remember when Season 1's Jim sang this? It's not a train wreck like that, but it's too mellow and boring. Taylor is supposed to be this crazy, gray-haired guy. Crazy, gray-haired guys shouldn't be singing Lionel Ritchie. That said, it was an okay performance, better than last week. A six.

PSA-Paula is already bitching at Simon. I think she's hammered. Lucky bitch.

Elliott sings some song I don't know. His mom is sick, so we should vote for him. I don't really know what Elliott's ethnicity is, but it occurs to me that he'd be about 10 times more attractive with a Art Garfunkelesque "Jewfro". All that said, this performance is just excellent. He was able to change up the tempo throughout the song and turned something I had never heard before into something I really enjoyed. The crowd loved it. So did Randy, who gives him a standing ovation. Even Simon thinks it was great. A solid 9. There's something about Elliott...

Ace sings "If I'm Not Made For You" by, uh, someone. Mrs. Butterworth? Aw, Ace uses a beenie as a blankey. Isn't that sweet? Ace is making some weird singing faces today. It's not very attractive. I loved him last week, but this is just boring, wussy and reminiscent of last year's A-Fed. The judges like him, but their praise seems tepid. Simon, as always, tells the truth and tells him he stunk. A 5-that's it.

Who's next? Gedeon! He's trying awful hard to emote for the camera. But when he stops worrying about that, he actually does a good job of singing "A Change is Gonna Come to Pass". He's got a nice bluesy and gospel vibe. He believes it. He's like a preacher. He's a throwback and I like him. I'm giving him a 7 tonight. Simon likes him too, so I feel validated.

Kevin "I'm still here?" Covais bleats his way through "I Heard It Through The Grapevine". I think there were some goats in the grapevine. Parents of America, I beg you, please take the phones away from your pre-teen daughters tonight. We don't need to be subjected to another week of this subpar singing. I think people are clapping for him because they feel sorry for him. Randy thinks he can actually sing. Paula must be sharing her drugs. Paula thinks he infectious. Like the frickin' bird flu. Simon says he sucks. He's right. It's bad, really bad, it's a 2.

Sweet, little Sway is going to sing "Overjoyed" by Stevie Wonder. Predictable. Sway's voice is a little rough. He sounds tentative and scared. He does get a little bit better towards the end, but folks, I think Sway is going home tomorrow because this is just a 3.

Darling Will is here to sing Kenny Rogers' "Lady". I love Will. I love Kenny Rogers. Please let this be good. Oh my GOD, Will was 12 when Justin and Kelly were rockin' the Idol stage. That's hilarious. Will looks exactly like Peter Brady as he stands straight and still at the microphone. At least he sounds better than Peter. This is an interesting performance. Technically his voice is great and it's completely different than Rogers' version. It leaves me a little cold until Will hits the last, sweet note. Nice! Although his face was kinda creepy. The judges don't like him, but I give him a 7.

You know what would have been better? If Will had sung Styx's "Lady". That would have been an awesome shout out to Freaks & Geeks. Oh well, maybe next week.

Blechy, I mean Bucky is going to sing "Gwrarth Bwooks". I think that means Garth Brooks. Believe me, I hate to say this as much as you all hate to read it, but Bucky sounds great on "The Thunder Rolls". It's totally karaoke, but it's good karaoke. The guys are so much better than the girls this year. I still think Bucky is going home tomorrow, despite this rather excellent performance. A reluctant 7.

David's going to sing Frank Sinatra. I'm shocked. Shocked! "The Way You Look Tonight" is my favorite Sinatra song and David is kind of butchering it. The original was about the exhilaration of realizing you're in love with someone. David's version is kind of sleazy. It's more like he's leering at a stranger than celebrating a lover. I hated it and so did the judges. A 2.

Chris sings "Hemorrhage" by Fuel. I'm afraid I'm not going to like it. I'd rather Chris bring a hard rock edge to a song rather than sing harder rock songs. Two notes in and I change my mind. He's so great and it makes me sad that he needed Idol to make it. He should be the lead singer of a successful band. He might be the only Idol contestant EVER who sings with passion. Awesome. He makes me forget I'm watching a cheesy talent show. A 10. The first of the season.

My order:

1. Chris
2. Elliott
3. Gedeon
4. Will
5. Bucky (I know)
6. Taylor
7. Ace
8. Sway
9. David
10. Kevin

I predict that Sway & Bucky will be gone with the wind tomorrow.

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